Not that I haven’t wanted to blog.  I was just hoping to be able to make some very cool, profound announcement.

But as I look over the last few months of being outside of a radio/media career, I realize: it may be a while before God moves me to the next thing.

There are things that I am learning in my waiting.  Things that I think I needed to learn.  Like how to be grateful, how to depend on God, how not to get so stuck in that “should have, could have, would have” cycle that many of us get stuck in.

I think Job from the Old Testament felt that way.  He lost everything, and came back stronger than he was before.  More grateful, more purposeful.  But he did not enjoy the waiting.  In fact, he had “friends” around him that made the waiting more difficult.

Thank God I don’t have that.  I have friends who are understanding, supportive, and encouraging.

In a nutshell, I will tell you what I am learning in this waiting period…Let’s face it:  our world has changed considerably.  Internet has changed everything. 

Want something?  Google it, Bing it.  Want to search a topic for your kid to research? Find it on the internet.  Missed your favorite television moment: YouTube.  Want to find the best price for a car? Find the dealerships on line near you and let your mouse do the walking.

And then, there’s radio.  Internet has changed radio–a whole lot!  Free apps for your iPhone and Blackberry so that you can take your radio with you. Iheartradio is amazing!!  I can listen to The River in Austin, KTRH in Houston, and WSIX in Nashville at the touch of a screen.  And don’t forget about free radio customized to your tastes in the form of a website/app called Pandora. 

Advertising in radio has changed too.  You can hear an entire show which is completely a sold segment and not even realize it…especially on weekends.  How many colon cleanse programs have you found in your market?  Or Garden/Home/Saving for Retirement shows.  That stuff apparently sells, otherwise they would not buy a whole hour of time.

I’ve been told and have discovered that the talk radio market is tough.  You have to be syndicated to go anywhere, and if you really want a show locally you need to buy your block of time and go after advertisers yourself.  For me, a stay-at-home mom who has recently gone into the work force to support her family, that is not a feasible situation.  If I buy my own time block, and my advertisers back out, I am still liable for that time contract. And I have an opportunity to do my own internet radio show for free, but it would take an advertiser/financial backer to pay me to book the guests and produce the segments the right way.  I don’t do anything halfway.  Producing is what I excel in; you can’t just throw anything together and have it turn out correctly.  It has to be purposeful, it has to add value to someone’s life, or it isn’t worth doing.

So, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, and a host of other shows are the ones I am studying right now, on both radio and television.  I look at guests, show run down, mechanics of the programs.  The way I look at it, I’m going to the university of preparation.  I don’t know what God has in store for me right now.  But you can bet I’m keeping my face on the floor seeking His will for me and learning along the way.

So, thanks for checking in on me.  And if you think about it, pray for me to be strong and keep my focus on what I have in front of me.  After all, Lot’s wife looked back and she became salt!

There are too many things I have got to get done and not enough time to do them all. 

And, to top it all off, we have family coming in this weekend because my 7 year old is being baptized.  While we are very excited, we are also looking at having a major clean house until midnight kind of Friday!

So as I was getting ready for my day, I was going through the list in my head of things that needed to be done and one still sticks out like a sore thumb; the Christmas Tree.

My tree is nice, don’t get me wrong.  But the funny thing is, the ornaments are all in one spot.  The kids’ eye level and not any higher.  They could not wait to get the ornaments on there….I had ribbon and a “themed plan” and they were dancing around putting the ornaments on the tree with Brenda Lee’s “Rocking Around The Christmas Tree” and other Christmas favorites playing in the background.

Oh, and last night, they were decorating the bannister with paper chains and snowflakes, all cut from construction paper.  “Look, mommy, it’s just like Buddy the elf,” they said. (From “Elf” the movie)  “Oh, I see,” I said…secretly thinking that will all come down by Saturday nwhen everyone gets here.

My husband and I are more the organized sort of people.  I used to host a tree trimming party and have our friends over to help us decorate the tree.  It was fun and  I always served dinner afterwards.  Then, the kids were born and we stopped having those parties and having the kids birthday parties because they both were born close to Christmastime. The ornaments were still my responsibility and I loved being able to get out certain ones and put them on the way I wanted them.  Then, when I was asleep, my husband would re-arrange them to be more symmetrical…a trait that I figure is a little OCD.  No matter, the tree looked better.

So as I was looking at that tree thinking my hubby said he would put that ribbon on it and get those ornaments spread out, my mind went to this Scripture:

Matthew 18:3 (The Message)

 ^2-5For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me. “

Whoa!  Hold up!  I’m childlike!  I love snowflakes and hot cocoa with marshmallows.  Nope, that is not what this is saying.

It means I need to let my kids be little and enjoy the season and the reason for it in the way that they see it.  Not try to rearrange their perception of the tree or even the nativity story.  I need to learn about God though their eyes.

How often do I correct my children when it is not needed?  I don’t mean the grammar when they use poor tenses of verbs, but the manner in which they do things.  I need to be less rigid and let a little more childlike in….And I need to lighten up on them.

My mind also goes to that song Richie McDonald wrote with Billy Dean, “Let Them Be Little.”

“Let Them Be Little, cause they’re only that way for a while,
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday,
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, just let them be little.”

So tonight as they continue decorating the house with paper chains and snowflakes or doing a manger scene with a lion and a rabbit in the mix, I need to just let them. And remember the real reason for the season is not to stress out but to reflect as my kids do on who God is and how we can celebrate His son’s gift to us.

These ladies, in their late forties, have multiple sclerosis.  They are both bedridden and in diapers.

Every morning, the mom, Elaine, gets up and makes sure both Renae and Lynda are properly fed and gets her husband, Larry, to help her change them. These adult women were once vibrant and successful ladies.  One of them was a flight attendant for years until someone actually turned her in when they caught her a little shaky to pour a cup of coffee for a passenger.  And that’s when she was laid off and the disability kicked in.

Over in the next parish, Lynda and Renae have another sister, in her fifties who, although she also has MS, walks with a walker and visits from time to time.

I look at this family and my heart just aches.  Because how long can a mother take care of her children?  My resolve as a parent says as long as necessary.  But one day, there will not be anyone to take care of these grown ladies who are completely dependent on someone to feed and change them.  These aging parents have their own health issues.  In normal circumstances, they would have their kids caring for them. Instead, they have a difficult time….as they strain their backs lifting each girl to bathe them. 

I sit back and cry out, “God, why?  Why is it this way for this sweet family? How unfair and sad!” 

Isaiah 55:8-11 (The Message) says:

“I don’t think the way you think.
   The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
         God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
   so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
   and the way I think is beyond the way you think.”

His ways are different than ours.  He has a plan for them, and I have to be willing to let Him use whatever means necessary to care for them.  You know, I don’t want them being wards of the state.  I don’t know the first thing about caring for MS patients either.  All I know is that there’s a family on the other side of the river who will one day need more than what government or family can give them.  And I pray that somehow God will make a way to help them, even if he has to use me to do it.

Last night, while doing some Christmas shopping, my daughter asks me, “Mom, what do YOU want for Christmas?”

My grown up Christmas Wish: more than anything for myself, I wish that there was a way to have all of that sweet family cared for under one roof; with 3 meals a day that Elaine doesn’t have to make, a full-time nurse who is able to care for both the aging parents and their adult children.  I wish there was some way that they could all live together in the twilight of their lives.

Extreme Home Makeover? Are  you out there?  Are you up for that challenge?

You find people move more from job to job than they used to.

It wasn’t always that way. In the days of our parents and grandparents, you find one occupation and one company who believed in you, you stuck with them. It was the way things were.

I took a part-time job at KSBJ to help out with someone who was taking maternity leave. One thing led to another and within two years, I was hosting the Sunday Night show. It was one of the greatest experiences and biggest blessings of my life. I saw lives changed based on ministries that we had on the air, people blessed by guests we brought to the microphone. It was a fabulous way to watch God work and I was honored to be a part of it.

Why did I leave?

It was time. I hosted the show for almost 2 1/2 years. And I have felt God wanting to push me to the next step.

I’ve got NO fear because I have complete confidence that the One who held me during the years I worked at KSBJ continues to hold me now. And, I have a vision to take what I did at KSBJ and move it forward into a place that will be a light to others in a different way.

I cannot divulge too much of what I have planned right now. However, I can tell you that there IS another show in the works.

So, do me a favor, will you? Please pray for my family during this transition. Pray for my kids as they learn how to handle me being home with them on Sundays!

And most of all, pray for the new show. Pray for the right financial opportunity, for the right advertisers, the right production, the guests.

I would love it if you would join me. Contact me, follow me on Twitter at SuzanneBadger.

Yes, Suzanne. Anne was only my KSBJ name. Suzanne is my real name.

And Badger, well, that one I married! And I’m so glad I did.

I know, it’s a crazy time of year.  But waiting until January isn’t good for me.  It throws the whole “one well check a year” off kilter.

 At 8am the phone rang.  The doctor’s office said, “Dr. McD is sick.  We are going to have to reschedule.”

Ben, now 5, was very perplexed as to how this visit could not go as scheduled.  His comment was so funny, “She’s a doctor; why can’t she fix herself?”

A twelve year old boy named Logan (who listens to KSBJ via SkyAngel) called in a couple of weeks ago while I was filling in on the Morning Show and talked about having to put his calf down.  He told us that he asked God why he had to do that….and that God told him that his Son was special.  This was an amazing, awe-inspiring conversation from an incredible preteen.

The call was put on our website and began receiving so many hits that it exceeded our band width!

That call has gone around the world and back again.  My mom received it from a friend in San Antonio and then a cousin in Montana!

It is so interesting how God works….He can work in the hearts of twelve year old boys and impact millions of people.

Please pray for our website.

Nope, not packing a thing….Just moving to a different web page.

 KSBJ has a webpage for the Sunday Night Show now!  And with it, comes more choices of how to get information out.  And a new blog!

So that’s the scoop.  Go to ksbj.org and then click on the ON AIR tab, then all the way to the right you’ll find Sunday Night.

See ya there!

And for those of you who have been reading this blog for the last several months, thanks for keeping with me!

After 9/11, I totally decided to turn off all the lights in front and go to the back of the house.  I couldn’t answer the door anymore.

A kid came to my front door the year before with a mask that shot blood out of it. My one year old at the time was just mortified.

So, that was the end of it for me.  No trick or treaters anymore.

But then, a few weeks ago the station started a promotion called “Lite the Nite”  and it changed my mind. 

October 31st is the only time complete strangers come to your door.

What would Jesus do?  Would He hide?  I don’t think so. 

I think I am willing to be bold.  I am going to experiment; to stand up for my faith and give out good candy and maybe some glow-in-the-dark bracelets.  I’m going to get my kids to help, maybe have them meet some of the neighborhood kids.

I don’t want people passing by my house and saying, “Oh, we never go THERE!”

I think it’s time to step out of faith and not hide in fear.  I’m not saying we celebrate Halloween and put our kids in witch costumes…I’m saying maybe it is time to be in the world and not hide.

Let’s be a light to the world…and let it shine!

If you want to help send packages to our troops in time for Christmas, go to www.MontgomeryCountyCares.com.  They’ll help you decide what to buy or donate, and find a drop off location.

Also, if you have a soldier serving in Iraq or Afghanistan that would benefit by receiving a package, you can nominate them.  They don’t have to be from Montgomery County.

If you are interested in participating, be sure to get your donations out right away.  The packages must be sent off by November 4th in order to get there on time.

And, those are the best calls.  AT&T cannot reach out and touch someone any better than God can!

I said last night that I needed grace.  And although that is true, there is something that God showed me I need so much more.

Look at Matthew 14:22-32 with me….

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go

on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 

After he had dismissed them, he went up on mountainside by

himself to pray.  When evening came, he was there alone, but the

boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the

waves because the wind was against it.  During the fourth watch of

the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the

disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 

“It’s a ghost!” They cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them, “Take courage.  It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.  “You of little faith,” He said.  “Why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down  Then those who were in the boat worshiped Him saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Which sailor are you?  Are you often the one who stays in the boat because you fear too much?  I know that I am very much like those other sailors.  I need FAITH!!!

I want to be Peter, but I fear the failure.  And not trying is so much safer because at least you don’t say, “Oh, I failed at that.”  Not trying is my safety net.

Or is it?

I think Peter was THE ROCK as Jesus said.  He went for EVERYTHING he could in life.  Sometimes it got him in trouble, but God still saw his heart.  And knew him to the very core.

I look around my house and my waves are massive in my mind….clutter, laundry, dishes, toys, yesterday’s mail, third grade schoolwork, last weeks newspapers.  I attempt to organize it during the day, but in the end, I fail.  So it gets ignored for a while, until I can’t stand it again.

What if I’m going about this the wrong way?  What if I’m looking too much at my waves, and not looking enough at the One who made them?

What if I could keep my blinders on and focus on Jesus and HAVE FAITH that all things DO work for good for ME because I LOVE HIM and I am CALLED for HIS purpose.

Not my purpose.  HIS!!

I think so many times we are so busy that we forget how big God is and that He cares about every little detail.  I think we lose faith so easily.

My son, Ben, has come downstairs and sat in my lap.  He has just informed me that he wet his bed!  Talk about little details.  So I guess this is where my test begins!  LOL!

Let’s make a deal; just for today, let’s focus on Him and the blessings He’s given us.  In faith, let’s remember the waves are not as big as God and decide that we can walk on the water.

Then, report back here and hit the comment button to let me know how your day went.

Good faith (not luck) Sailor!!!  Talk with you soon; I’ve gotta go change some sheets!